My thoughts are going to disappear RIGHT NOW!…

So, ironically, here I am again writing a blog while I should be studying for my last exam tomorrow.  But good news! i did well on all my other exams. Its been a long week, friends. But only one more to go! Then a fabulous weekend without trips or plans. Ahhhhh…:) Sometimes, I feel like we all just need a little break from life. Like now- who really wants to study? No one… But who really wants to fail? AH HA! No one. Now there’s the rub (Hamlet anyone?). However…

I have this problem that when I sit down and say to myself “Okay, Juni, here we go. Non stop studying. You are going to be productive today and get an A on this test,” I always find something at that particular moment that is so much more important this it delays my studying for 20 minutes to even hours.

For example, today I looked at dresses for my brothers upcoming wedding. Do I need a dress for it? Yes. But do I need to look for it right now when the wedding is in September? Probably not.

Another example: Mat text me and asked to tell him a funny joke. So of course I needed to research online for 20 minutes to find the best joke, while eventually just going with one I already knew.

Another? Of course! I booked my trips to Italy and Portugal. Okay sure. Productive and AWESOME. I can’t wait to go! But did I really need to do it during prime study time? No.  Claiming that “we need to get these tickets right now before prices go up!”… Yep. I said it. Would the prices really go up that much tomorrow? No.

Yet another example: This blog! Do I need to be writing this RIGHT now? No. Your thoughts are gonna be there in the morning, Juni. NO THEY WON’T! What if they disappear after THIS second?! Okay, Miss Dramatic.

Last but not least: I had to ask everyone what is on the test that they had in order to ‘contribute’ to my studying topics.  Seems productive right? Actually no. The test I’m talking about, although its the same class, is different in order to avoid cheating. Smart on the teachers part. So here I was, wasting my time away trying to find some sort of thing to grasp onto. A hope that SOMEONE would give me the help I need or the guidance to begin studying.

And here begins my thoughtful shpeel (shpiel? Schpeil?…)…

I feel that so many times in our lives we are trying so often to find something to put in the place of our ‘studying’. In this case, my studying is God. At all points in my life, there is always God as this ultimate goal. In my decisions, my thoughts, my heart, my desires. However, I always find that stupid thing that I really don’t need to do that gets in the way of my ultimate goal.

Like studying results in achievement in classes, God results in the achievement in life. I’m not saying that God is gonna give me untold riches and a nice house and treasure and fame. But he will give me peace, tranquility, contentment, hope. Doesn’t that sound a rediculous amount better than a wedding dress, tickets to italy, or a stupid joke? Absolutely.

However, the connection I am trying to make here is to the last distraction I was giving into. I was asking for help in all the wrong places when I know that it would fall short. I knew they couldn’t help me with what was on the test, yet I continued to ask. Some tried, but I knew all would fail. The tests were different. They wanted to help but couldn’t. So there I was, Just hoping for a comfort somewhere that someone knew the answers to the test. Or even where to begin for that matter.

We do this with our lives all the time. We always look to someone [or something] in hopes that they have the ‘answers to the test’ whether we know that they don’t have them or not. We want to find something tangible to help us. Something seen. But its going to fall short. I knew that. God HAS the answers for my life…

If he wanted to give me the answers to the test, that would be lovely as well…

So why do I keep trying to find the answers in all the wrong places? Or avoid looking for them at all: like the dress for the wedding. Its because I’m human. And thats whats beautiful. God never expects me to go straight to him all the time to ask for the answers. And even though we take the long route everyday, he’s always gonna be waiting. Honestly, I think God laughs at me sometimes as I’m frantically looking around [kind of like hide-n-seek] to find him because he’s RIGHT there. Waiting for me. To give me the answers I’m looking for…

God, “Pssst….Juni!… Number three is ‘B’… and the meaning of life is…”

-J